In the following videos you'll learn a few easy ways to serve up a conversation and keep a conversation going.
Video by Productivity Game
Key Takeaways
"When meeting someone, our brains are in overdrive."
Meeting people and making small talk can be awkward and stressful, but one way to reduce conversation anxiety is to view conversation like a friendly game of ping pong – Deliver a serve to your conversation partner that can hit then keep the rally going.
1. The Serve
When serving up a new conversation remember the acronym W-I-T: we, it and they.
Option 1: Start with a ‘We’ or ‘Us’ statement.
- If you’re waiting for a keynote speaker at a conference you could turn to the person next to you and say, “I hear she’s a great speaker. We are in for a treat.
- If you’re at a workshop turn to the person seated next to you and say, “I wonder what they’ll have us do.”
- If you’re at a sporting event casually comment to the person next to you wow we are really playing well today or we need to get back in this game. In this case we includes you the team and your potential new friend who you hope is rooting for the same team, but even if they aren’t they’ll let you know which can be the start of a fun conversation about why they’re rooting for the wrong team.
Author Leo Lowndes says when you prematurely say we or us, even to strangers, it subconsciously brings them closer it’s subliminally hints you are already friends.
Option 2: Start with an ‘It’ question. It being the big news of the day.
Find an it before attending a social gathering by quickly browsing the latest news on your phone and finding a compelling story that the people at the party meeting or conference will enjoy talking about.
- If you’re on your way to a business conference research the latest industry bus
- If you’re going to a super bowl party, browse espn.com or other sports websites for news on either team
- If you’re about to attend a party where people are likely to talk politics, quickly get caught up on a contentious new policy a political leader is considering
- Have you heard about…? (insert your it)
- What do you think of…? (insert your it)
Option 3: Start with they told me…
A they told me statement might sound like:
- Susan told me you’re visiting from Canada
- Bob told me you’re quite the artist
- Sally told me you’re a huge Red Sox fan
Acquiring information necessary to deliver “a they told me statement” requires you to do some upfront work and ask the host of a party or someone who knows the people at the party for interesting facts about the people you could meet.
Remember the acronym HIP
- Do they have cool hobbies
- Do they have similar interests
- Do they have interesting professions
Back Up Option 4:
How do you spend most of your time?
At which point they can either talk about work and explain what they do for a living or tell you about how they love running in Central Park on the weekends.
What do you do is an overused question that either gets a lazy response or forces people to talk about a profession they don’t want to talk about.
- “I’m an IRS agent. thanks for asking.”
1. The Return
Now that you have a few ways to serve up a conversation, keep the conversation going by smoothly returning the conversation back to them.
- For example after asking someone how they’ve spent most of their time at a conference you’re both attending, they might say I went to a half day workshop it was great.
- At which point you could say half day workshop? or I’ve heard good things about that workshop or you could simply pair it back the last word they said, what made it great?
Conclusion
If you don’t have a good we, it or they simply ask how do you spend most of your time.
Keep the conversation going by being a word detective and parroting key words back to them that they’re eager to expand on.
If you follow this simple formula you’ll find that meeting new people is both easy and enjoyable.
Part 1 Video Summary by BetterThanYesterday
Key Takeaways
Have you ever admired those successful people who seem to “have it all”? They’re the ones with the best jobs, the nicest spouses, the finest friends and the biggest bank accounts.
A lot of them aren’t smarter than you. They’re not more educated than you. They are not even more muscular or better looking. What it boils down to is their more skillful way of dealing with fellow human beings.
And whether it’s landing the job, winning the promotion or charming a new partner, other people are your greatest resource.
The Internet has been touted as the ultimate tool for bringing people together. You can have fun with an ever expanding network of “friends” on Facebook.
Still we have to remember that spending hours in front of a screen is a poor substitute for the full spectrum of experience offered by face to face time with another person.
Here are five techniques you can use from a great book on communication skills: “How to talk to anyone” by Leil Lowndes.
5 Communication Techniques
1. The Flooding Smile
You don’t want to be walking around with a constant smile on your face. Great communicators know their smile is one of their most powerful weapons, so they’ve fine tuned it for maximum impact. When their smile does emerge, it has more potency and the world smiles with them.
Don’t flash an immediate smile when you greet someone. Instead, look at the other person’s face for a second. Pause. Soak in their persona. Then let a big, warm, responsive smile flood over your face and overflow into your eyes.
The split second delay convinces people your smile is genuine and only for them.
2. Sticky Eyes
To most people in the western culture, profound eye contact signals trust, knowledge and confidence.
- The trick here is to pretend your eyes are glued to your conversation partner. You don’t break contact even after he or she has finished speaking. And when you must look away, do it ever so slowly and reluctantly.
- If you have trouble looking people in the eyes, just look at their eyebrows or their nose.
Exaggerated eye contact can be extremely advantageous, especially between men and women.
- In business, even when romance is not in the picture, strong eye contact can pack a powerful punch between sexes.
- Now, gentlemen. When talking to other men, you too can use sticky syes. Just make them a little less sticky when discussing personal matters, or your listener might feel threatened or misunderstand your intentions.
3. Limit the Fidget
Professional communicators consciously suppress any signs anyone could mistake for shiftiness.
- They don’t massage their arm when it tingles or rub their nose when it itches.
- They never put their hands on their faces.
- They don’t loosen their collar when it’s hot, nor do they blink constantly.
They put up with discomfort, because they know fidgeting undermines their credibility.
- Consider the infamous presidential debate between Richard Nixon and John Kennedy. The speculation is that Nixon’s fidgeting and rubbing his brow on camera lost him the election.
If you want to come across as entirely credible, try to limit all unnecessary movement when your communication counts.
- Let your nose itch, your ear tingle, and keep your hands away from your face.
- If you don’t, the listener will likely get a gut feeling you’re lying or hiding something, even though you’re not.
4. Parroting
You know in tennis how the ball is going back and forth over the net? Likewise in conversation, the conversational ball goes back and forth. First you speak, then your partner speaks, then you speak, and so on.
What if the ball lands on your court and it’s your turn to speak, but your mind goes blank?
Don’t panic, just repeat or “parrot” the last two or three words your companion said, in a sympathetic, questioning tone. That throws the conversational ball right back in your partner’s court and then all you need to do is listen.
- For example: “Hey, I went to the theater last night.” “The theater?” “Yes, it was a great show.” “Great show?” “Yeah, great music and such a bizarre story …” “Bizarre story?”
- You can also paddle back, and later in the conversation parrot previous phrases. “You said it had great music?”
- Don’t overdo this, though, as it can get extremely annoying for your conversational partner if they don’t have too much to say either.
- If they do have too much to say, this is the perfect technique to let them run their mouth.
5. Wear a Whatzit
Starting a conversation with someone you don’t know yet, can be hard. A Whatzit can help you solve that problem.
What is a Whatzit? It’s something you wear or carry that is unusual.
- A strange tie, a unique pin, an interesting purse, or an amusing hat.
- It’s any object that draws people’s attention.
Whenever you go to a gathering, wear something unique to give people an excuse to approach you.
Same goes for when you’re the one trying to start a conversation with someone you don’t know yet. Try to find something interesting the person is wearing that could lead to potential communication.
- “I once got a T-shirt as a birthday gift. It was nothing special, but it had a text on it that said: “Girls are mean”. Whenever I wore that shirt to a party, or anywhere else, I got tons of girls commenting on it, instantly helping me break the ice. I didn’t even have to approach them, they approached me. “Excuse me, I couldn’t help but notice your … what is that?””
Part 2 Video Summary by BetterThanYesterday
Key Takeaways
Communication skills are a necessity in today’s society and are something everyone should learn. After all, 85 percent of one’s success in life is directly due to communication skills.
Connecting with other people brings infinite rewards. Whether it’s landing the job, winning the promotion or charming a new partner, other people are your greatest resource.
Here is another five techniques from the book “How to talk to anyone” that will take your conversations to the next level.
5 Communication Techniques
1. Match Their Mood
The first step in starting a conversation without strangling it, is to match your listener’s mood — if only for a sentence or two.
I’m sure you’ve suffered the aggression of a mood mismatch.
- You’re late, rushing to a meeting, when a colleague stops you and starts lazily narrating a long, boring story.
- Or maybe you have been feeling down when some overexcited associate starts pounding you with questions. It’s not pleasant.
Every mother knows, or at least should know, that to quiet a crying child, she shouldn’t just shake her finger and shout “Quiet down”. No, moms pick their babies up. They cry sympathetically, matching baby’s misery for a few moments. Then they gradually transition into a happy sounds.
Your listeners are all big babies! Match their mood if you want them to stop crying, start buying, or otherwise come around to your way of thinking. So before opening your mouth take a voice sample of your listener to detect their state of mind.
- If they are feeling down, be sympathetic with them.
- If they are super excited, share their enthusiasm.
When your communication counts, match their mood and voice tone, if only for a moment.
2. Present Mundane With Passion
It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. Worried about your first words? Fear not, because 80 percent of your listener’s impression has nothing to do with your words anyway.
No matter how dull and mundane the text, an empathetic mood, a positive appearance and a passionate delivery, make you sound exciting. So anything you say is fine, as long as it’s not a complaint, something unpleasant, or rude.
If the first words out of your mouth are a complaint – BAM – people label you a complainer. Why? Because if you’re speaking to a new acquaintance, that complaint is his 100% sampling of you so far.
Make sure the first words out of your mouth are nothing unpleasant. Anything else works, no matter how boring. Just add some excitement to it.
3. Become a Modern Day Renaissance Man
The term “Renaissance man” is often applied to people who seek to develop their abilities in all areas of accomplishment.
- A great example would be Leonardo Da Vinci, whose area of expertise ranged from science to art.
If you want to become a social expert, you need to have knowledge related to every imaginable field, not just what you like.
- If I’m interested in playing the piano, that doesn’t mean that whenever I meet someone I’ll only talk about the piano.
- And if I don’t have any interest in boxing, it doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have any knowledge related to it.
Let’s say you meet someone new, someone who loves boxing and won’t shut up about it. If you don’t know anything about the sport, the conversation will probably end very fast, because you won’t know what questions to ask your new acquaintance.
Every once in a while scramble up your day and read up on a new subject that you don’t know anything about. You just might learn something interesting, and more importantly, you’ll have some new material to talk about.
4. Always Have Something Interesting to Say
When going to a gathering, you naturally plan your outfit and make sure your shoes will match. And, of course, you must have just the right tie or correct color lipstick.
What about the right conversation to enhance your image? You will follow your instincts in conversation. But at least be prepared in case inspiration doesn’t hit.
The best way to insure you’re conversationally in the swing of things, is to listen to a newscast just before you leave.
- What’s happening in the world right now: all the fires, floods, stock market crashes, they make great conversational material, no matter what crowd you’re circulating in.
- So the last thing you do before you leave the house is check today’s news.
5. Never the Naked Thank You
We use the phrase “thank you” so often that people don’t even hear it anymore. Very simply, never let “thank you”, stand naked and alone. Always make it “thank you for something”.
When we buy groceries at the store, we flash a naked thank you at the cashier when they give us back our change. Is that the same “thank you” you want to give to a loved one who cooks you a delicious dinner?
Always dress up your appreciation with a reason:
- Thank you for helping me with the dishes.
- Thank you for being such a loyal customer.
- Thank you for cooking this amazing meal.
When thanking someone always think of it as three words, not two: “thank you for”.